Dating+Rituals+in+America

= Dating Rituals in America =

Before the invention of dating, it was left to one’s family to decide whom you would marry and when this would occur. Chaperoned outings were the norm, and a heterosexual couple was never left alone. Homosexual couples were not a topic open to discussion. On top of that, the ultimate goal was not to find someone you could love, but to find someone who could help you bear children so they could add on to the workforce of your plot of land (Fass, 2008).
 * History of Dating**

As fewer people owned farms and an increasing number joined the metropolis forces, dating came to be a sort of elaborate chain of events. In the 1950s, the boy would first ask the girl to go steady, then pin her once they had developed deeper feelings for one another, and eventually the two would be engaged. Of course, all such events would occur to the knowledge of, if not in front of, the parents (Fass, 2008).

Interestingly enough, the word “date” actually finds its roots in prostitution. Initially, it referred to a slang sense that meant to book an appointment with a prostitute (Burzumato, 2007, March 8). When the 1900s came around, dating came to refer to lower-class men and women socializing out-of-home since the women did not have proper front parlors in which to invite suitors in. However, as urban areas grew in popularity and power, the idea of dating traveled up the socioeconomic ladder and came to be a sort of competition among young people.

In 1937, dating was deemed //The Campus Rating Complex// by sociologist Willard Waller (Burzumato, 2007, March 8). The idea gives way to the goal of popularity; girls wished to be seen with the right men in the right places. By developing a reputation that one is in a demand, a woman is able to climb the social ladder.

After WWII, for the first time in the United States, women outnumbered men (Burzumato, 2007, March 1) and the idea of popularity proved even more important. Due to the scarcity of men, appreciation of having a man to marry was evident in the lowered age of those getting married and the lowered age of boys and girls entering into the dating scene. As the average age to marry became 18 for women and 20 for men, dating began earlier to “prepare” young ones for a marriage-worthy relationship. In 1953, a //New York Times// article stated that every boy and girl should date between 25 and 50 partners prior to committing to a proposal. “Going steady” facilitated this dating as its definition altered from keeping steady company with the one you would marry to demonstrating to the public who it was you were dating. The first sign of going steady was the exchange of a visible article from man to woman, such as a letterman’s jacket or class ring.Then, neither person was permitted to show interest in any others. When the relationship was terminated, a “mini divorce” occurred where gifts given throughout the relationship were divided up between the two parties.

The 1960s brought on a renewed feminism movement, and with it more choices for woman in the dating game (Couric, 2005). Now, as evident by the actual show //The Dating Game,// one woman would have the power to choose between different male ‘contestants.’

In rolled the 1970s, along with numerous love children and flower power, and the idea of ritualistic dating took a quiet reprieve (Fass, 2008). As if the dating rituals of Americans needed to change even more within 50 years, the evolution of the Internet opened our world to online and optimized dating. Sites such as Match.com and EHarmony, as well as clubs providing speed dating nights, have made it possible for one to search out numerous potential partners in a brief amount of time (Couric, 2005).

As interestingly pointed out by the Reverend Skip Burzumato (Burzumato, 2007, March 1), it is not that courtship has been replaced by dating, but that the addition of dating is now what leads to courtship. On the college scene, sexual relations may occur before dating happens, and sex may not even lead to dating.
 * From Dating to Hookups**

According to Brenda Wilson (Wilson, 2009), “What used to be a mate-seeking ritual has shifted to hookups: sexual encounters with no strings attached.” The trend of open relationships started in college is beginning to transfer to the working world of young people. As the average age to get married continues to be pushed back (Wallop, 2011), young people are spending more time in less-committed relationships.

Such elaborate steps are no longer the norm. According to La Salle University professor of sociology and criminal justice Kathleen Bogle, the “hookup is what happens when high school seniors and college freshmen suddenly begin to realize they won’t be marrying for five, 10 or 15 years,” (Wilson, 2009).

As dates continue to cost more money (the price of movie tickets, the cost of dinners), dating is more of a financial burden than it once was. However, more money is being spent on contraceptives, acting as an additional catalyst to sexual intimacy without commitment. Young people can have difficulties understanding emotional intimacy, which is made even more difficult as sexual intimacy is established before any affirmed commitment (Wilson, 2009).

As far as today’s society is concerned, everything is better when it is easier, quicker and optimized. When it comes to physical intimacy, the trend seems to fall in line with our technology. While the average age of men in America losing their virginity is 17.0, 17.3 for women (Weigel, 2002), the average age of men getting married for the first time was 32.1 in 2009, 30.0 for women (Wallop, 2001).

Today’s dating rituals vary from more introverted couple’s courtship to extroverted couple’s speed dating. The most characteristic ritual of the decade is online dating. Sites such as Match.com, and EHarmony.com claim that their sites will systematically introduce a subscriber to people who are “ideal” matches, based on personality and intellectual traits. Sites such as Zoosk.com and AdultFriendFinder promise they will find someone near to you that has similar interests. However, that similar interest on AFF is actually having an affair.
 * Optimized Dating**[[image:online-dating-match.jpg width="229" height="92" align="right" caption="Online dating represents the optimized nature of the 21st century."]]

In a sense, sexual desires have been digitized.There was the phone, and phone sex came to accompany long-distance relationships (and short-distance ones in need of some more excitement) (Bean, 2005). Then cell phones enabled texting, and sexting became somewhat of an epidemic throughout the middle school and high school community (Fass, 2008) with a reported 20% of surveyed teens having sent nude or semi-nude photos and 39% of teens sending sexually explicit text messages. Skype has enabled video sex (Sex Columnist, 2011), and dating sites have given people opportunities to meet someone without ever leaving the comfort of their chair and chat room, both fairly inexpensive options that are even more appealing when the economy is in a recession or lull (Ellin, 2009).

With today’s technology, there is certainly no longer one ritual maintained by the mass population when it comes to dating. Some act promiscuously and luckily find someone they fall for, while others may try their luck on EHarmony and maintain physical and visual distance until they know more about a person than they do someone they have known for decades. In the end, however, humans have the innate desire to find companionship and human relatedness (Hagerty, Lynch-Sauer, Patusky, & Bouwsema, 2007) and this, ultimately, is the “dating ritual” that matters.

Atom. (Photographer). (2010). Online dating matching. [Web]. Retrieved from []
 * References**

Bean, M. (2005, October 7). Always game: who says long-distance relationships can’t work?. Men’s Health, Retrieved from []

Braddon, M.E. (Artist). (2007). //Courtship.// [Web]. Retrieved from []

Burumato, Rev’d S. (2008, March 1). A brief history of courtship and dating in america part 1. Boundless, Retrieved form []

Burumato, Rev’d S. (2008, March 8). A brief history of courtship and dating in america part 2. Boundless, Retrieved form []

Couric, K. (2005). Finding true love: a look at the history of dating. Retrieved from []

Ellin, A. (2009). The recession. isn’t it romantic?. The New York Times, Retrieved from []

Fass, P.A. (2008). Dating. Encyclopedia of children and childhood in history and society. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from []

Hagerty, B.M.K., Lynch-Sauer, J, Patusky, K.L., & Bouwsema, M. (2007). An emerging theory of human relatedness. Journal of Nursing, 25 (4), Retrieved from []

Sex Columnist. (2011, February 11). Skype sex 101: distance ? no fun. Retrieved from []

Wallop, H. (2011). Average age for women to marry hits 30 for first time. The Telegraph. Retrieved from []

Weigel, M. (2002). Seventeen is the average age at first sexual intercourse. American Sexual Behavior, 1, 4-5.

Wilson, B (Performer). (2009, June 8). Sex without intimacy: no dating, no relationships [Radio series episode]. In (Executive producer), Morning Edition. National Public Radio.