Foreplay

**   ﻿ Foreplay   ** ** Foreplay: Definition and purpose  ** Foreplay, as defined by Webster’s Dictionary (2011) “is the erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse”. Carla Barnhill gives her opinion on what foreplay consists of stating, “I mean, it's called foreplay for a reason. It comes "before" sex. All the kissing and touching that leads up to sex serves a very specific purpose—to get your body ready for Intercourse”(p.26). During foreplay sexually active partners pleasure each other in a variety of ways including kissing, touching and massaging. It can also include teasing, games, role-playing and playing with food in erotic ways before having intercourse. The satisfactory elements and effectiveness of foreplay in the realm of the overall sexual experience is a topic and an ideology that is debated among couples. Research conducted by Spurr (2008) shows that some women and men love foreplay claiming that it adds to their overall sexual experience. On the other hand, other partners think there is no point to it at all and would rather just rather jump straight into the intercourse. While the ideology behind foreplay has been around for years, it is important to keep in mind that, as with all elements of the sexual experience, what foreplay includes, how it is used before sex and how we communicate about it will all change over the course of time. ** Foreplay or Not: Different sexes have different needs  ** A variety of research has been conducted surrounding the importance of foreplay and how it can increase or decrease how pleasurable the sexual experience is for one or both partners. The research deals with the degree of importance that intercourse plays in the overall sexual experience of males verses females. First off, there are many differences that are many gender issues that are present when it comes to foreplay. Research shows that males don’t need any warm up before sex and they get involved in sex very quickly. Laipson (1996) found that since men usually require no warm up at all, foreplay is often used to prepare the women for sex  because she becomes sexually aroused much slower. If a woman isn’t properly warmed up she might not enjoy sex as much. Laipson (1996) states, “With a woman the preliminaries are of the utmost importance, and when these are lacking she is often incapable of experiencing any pleasure” (p.32). It is also known that men feel stressed if they can’t please their woman which can lead to a decrease in how pleasurable the sexual experience is overall. In Laipson’s (1996) article, Dr. Walter Robie wrote, “The husband should not rest easy, nor should his wife allow him to, until they have discovered the methods and positions which give her greatest pleasure and completest orgasm” (p.25). Therefore, Laipson (1996) suggests that the husband finds pleasure in taking the time to please his woman so he in turn will have more pleasure during intercourse. In general, if males turn on their sexual pleasuring charm at the beginning, it will be worth it to them in the end. The fact that they have contributed to the overall satisfaction of their woman will allow them to feel less stressed during the actual act of intercourse and allow for an unforgettable experience for both partners. ** Foreplay: A way to keep things interesting  ** When things become dull and boring in a relationship, reintroducing foreplay can spice things up. If you and your partner haven’t been using foreplay at all, or if you have fallen into the same sexual routine every time you have sex, trying a few new tips before engaging in intercourse can really add to your experience. This can be especially effective if one partner doesn’t seem to have they same sex drive they once had. Patrick (2010) found that women consider men to be engaging in foreplay when they flirt all day long and many when they help with chores around  the house. Therefore, if you want to get your woman in the mood and please some of her foreplay needs before the clothes even come off, it could be as simple as taking out the garbage and slapping her butt. Sometimes, women may still be more complex and even with the examples of foreplay mentioned previously they still may need extra sexual stimulation to reach a climax. Veilleux states, “Most men simply work their way down a woman's body--mouth, breasts, belly button, and so on. It's not arousing because she knows exactly where you're headed. Surprise her: Focus on overlooked areas: her inner thighs, the backs of her knees, behind her earlobes, and the tops of her breasts (not her nipples). Jump from spot to spot” (p.125). While this is an effective way to spice things up for women, there are ways to do so for a man as well. According to Grant (2001), “Gently touch and explore his body. Give him a massage with scented lotion or massage oils. Start gently in a circular motion, touching his face, head, earlobes and so on; then proceed to the rest of his body--feet, back, buttocks, legs and thighs” (p. 96). Obviously there are a variety of ways to enhance and spice up the sexual experience for both men and women individually but there are also elements of foreplay that can be playful and enjoyed by both together. Wallach (1976) found that couples liked a game that involved getting into different sexual positions without penetration and then playing a card game calling Casino Sex. In the end, the game added excitement to the overall experience and the loser and winner both won because when one partner lost, sexual intercourse began. Wallach’s (1976) example is one of many different types of foreplay options that couples can engage in. Other examples of foreplay ideas to experiment with include: teasing, role-playing and adding food to the sexual experience. In the end, what is important is that you keep the lines of communication open to ensure that both parties are enjoying the experience. ** Foreplay: How to communicate your needs to your partner  ** As with every element of a sexual relationship, maintaining an open communication policy about foreplay is extremely important. However, before you can feel comfortable talking about foreplay and communicating about other sexual issues with a partner, you have to feel comfortable communicating with them overall. As Grant (2001) points out, “And if you can't talk to him outside the bedroom, you won't be able to talk to him about intimate subjects. Any relationship's priority should be communication. It is a wonderful way to begin to create intimacy” (p.96). Communication seems to be an important factor in sexual intimacy because if it isn’t present among both partners, their overall sexual experiences may not be as satisfying as it could have been if they were communicating their desires to each other. This intimate communication is especially important when it comes to foreplay because if it is absent, one partner may not be getting what they need to be fully satisfied. While one partner may have no interest in participating in foreplay and may just want to get to intercourse, the other partner may not have the greatest sexual experience possible without it. Communication is a key element in terms of getting both of your sexual desires out on the table and chances are your partner won’t be opposed to the conversation. For example, Wallach (1976) suggests that if you have a fantasy or some sort of foreplay desire, let your partner know because chances are they won’t mind participating and sharing sexual desires can bring lovers closer together. This shows that being open and honest about what you both want can add to the overall orgasmic experience for both parties. According to Peretti (1978), “When each person has a genuine affection for the other, the honest expression of positive emotional feelings during the periods of foreplay, when coupled with a mutual intensive desire for sexual intercourse, can lead to an experience extraordinary in its richness - a pleasant, satisfying memory for all time” (p.412). Overall, it seems that when partners engage in activities that contribute to both of their needs, the entire experience is more pleasurable and satisfying for both parties. Spurr (2008) states, “If you have time for it, I always recommend foreplay because of the positive effects. Women feel desirable as well as more intimate with partners” (p.14). Communication at the beginning, will lead to a more enjoyable sexual experience and increased pleasure from orgasm among both parties since they will both know what the other desires while they are being intimate. ** References  ** (2008). Foreplay maybe overrated, survey says. Retrieved from: []. (2010). Foreplay. Retrieved from: [] Barnhill, C. (2008). EVERYTHING BUT ALL THE WAY?. //Ignite Your Faith//, 66(11), 26-29. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//. Grant, G. (2001). between us. //Essence (Essence)//, 32(2), 96. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//. “Foreplay”. (2011). // Webster’s Dictionary Online. //// Retrieved from: //// http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/foreplay // Laipson, P. (1996). `Kiss without shame, for she desires it': Sexual foreplay in American marital advice literature,.. //Journal of Social History//, 29(3), 507. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//.  Lette, Kathy. (2007). // Orgasmic Diet' promises to really hit the G-spot. //Retrieved from:http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2007/07/30/2007-07-30_orgasmic_diet_promises_to_really_hit_the.html Patrick, David L. (2010). // Foreplay- Just out of Reach. // Retrieved from: [|www.happilymarriedafter.org/2010/10/05/foreplay-just-out-of-reach/] Peretti, Peter O. Gravitt, Jennifer. (1978). `Warm' and `cold' personality factors in human sexuality. // Acta Psychologica //, Volume 42, Issue 5, Pages 411-430. Retrieved from: [|www.science] [|direct.com/science/article/B6V5T-45WYWSX-6B/2/9adc116292781507dd68c7402d9c87fa]. Spurr, Pam. (2008). Foreplay just a waste of time. //Northern Territory// //News (includes Sunday Territorian)//. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//. Veilleux, Z. (2000). THE Big Book of Foreplay. //Men's Health (10544836)//, 15(6), 125. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//. Wallach, Ira. (1976). // 5000 Year of Foreplay //. New York: William Morrow and Company Inc.
 * Colleen Delaney **