Missionary+Dating

Kyle Brownfield

** Missionary Dating **

** Definition **
====Missionary dating, also referred to as “date to save” or “flirt to convert,” is a phrase used to describe the act of a person having a relationship/ dating another person of differing beliefs for the sole purpose of changing his or her beliefs or religion. The term was coined by Evangelical Christians as a means to further spread Christianity into new or unorthodox communities. ====

**Motivation/Reasoning**
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====In general, most would argue the main motive behind missionary dating is the opportunity to spread one’s religion to another with the overall goal of redeeming a non-believer[of Christianity] of his or her sins “as every person of the opposite sex should be an opportunity for reaching out, nurturing and/or encouraging them in Christ” (Swiatocho, 2005). The act of conversion is presumed to be much easier when the person being converted has some form of emotional attachment to the converter. ==== ====Missionary dating is formed on the basis of traditional Christian morals, especially those regarding abstinence until marriage, despite a non-believer’s preference or previous sexual history. Removing the temptation of sex is thought to allow more room for the teachings of Christianity as well as an open relationship that focuses on the spiritual significance of a partner rather than physicality. Communication is focused on incorporating strong Christian values that direct conversations towards a higher power. Relationships formed with the intent of missionary dating are often challenged with the inability for both parties to accept or agree with one another’s opposing religious views, making this a large hurdle for convertors to overcome (Mahoney, 2009). ==== ====Another reason for a person to consider missionary dating is to cover for or justify to one's self, family, or religious community, romantic interest in a non-Christian if the relationship might otherwise be considered undesirable (Swiatocho, 2009) This is similar to other religions, such as Judaism, where interfaith dating is strongly discouraged, and often the only option for a member outside the religion is to convert or end the relationship. A lack of tolerance towards a non-Christian might be mitigated for a period of time when it is thought that dating said person might convert him or her to the Christian faith. ====

**Religious Significance**
The Bible references many passages that Christians have linked to the purposes for missionary dating with 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 being the main scripture warning against being with someone who is outside one’s faith.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18–

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is

there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the Temple of God and idols? For we

are the temple of the Living God. As God said, “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people” (Mahoney, 2009).

Those who are “unequally yoked” would be considered anybody outside of the Christian faith. Another passage commonly associated with the act of missionary dating is as follows,

1 Corinthians 7:39 –

"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord” (Mahoney, 2009 ). <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">This expresses the idea that although the wife may be available to choose another mate, she must find someone of the same faith for it to be considered acceptable. A few more examples express a more general attitude towards spreading faith, but can likewise provide a basis for missionary dating in regards to conversion.

<span style="background: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">Jude 1:23 –

<span style="background: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Rescue any who need to be saved, as you would rescue someone from a fire. Then with fear in your own hearts, have mercy on everyone who needs it” (Mahoney, 2009)

<span style="background: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">1 Peter 3:15 –

<span style="background: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Honor Christ and let him be the Lord of your life. Always be ready to give an answer when someone asks you about your hope" (Mahoney, 2009)

<span style="background: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">These passages provide Christians with the incentive to practice missionary dating as it can be seen as a way to reach closer to God by saving those who are not connected to him.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">**“Flirty Fishing"**
==<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"> == <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">An alternative form of missionary dating was adopted by The Children of God, a radical Christian organization formed in the late 1960’s, known as “flirty fishing.” Female members of the group were encouraged to use their beauty and sexuality to “fish” out potential non-believers in an attempt to convert them to The Children of God, a practice that resembled prostitution. This quickly became a means of securing financial donations for the organization and women began offering sexual favors as part of the outreach regimen, resulting in the title of “God’s Whores” which began to surface around suspicion of the practice (Raine, 2007). Flirty fishing held similar ideological motives as traditional missionary dating did, but it instead encouraged the use of one’s body and sexuality to secure the faith of others. Women in the group were essentially objectified for the use of their bodies as “tools of God” to better The Children of God (Zablocki, Robbins, 2001)

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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif;">Missionary dating has been criticized by both Christians and non-Christians for various reasons. One of the arguments against missionary dating is the possibility that the relationship could cause a Christian to backslide, or lose track of his or her Christian morals. A relationship with a non-Christian may open up new temptations, such as sex, fornication, lust, etc. which could potentially influence the <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif;">Christian partner. This might grow to the point where the Christian loses his or her own faith and thus defeating the purpose of dating. General differences in lifestyles can also prove to be too burdensome for a couple, such as going vs. not going to church (Swiatocho, 2005). =====

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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: 200%; margin: 0.25in 0in;">Relationships tend to be flawed from the start when the motive to date is because of religion and nothing else. Similarities outside of religion might not be present, making compatibility between two people that much more difficult to acquire.“To be missionary dated means that your Christian partner was not honest with you about their relationship priorities” ( Missionary Dating: A Nonbeliever's Perspective, 2010). The dater may not be honest about his or her reasons for dating someone, which if discovered, can lead to trust issues between a couple. ===== <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">** References **

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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; letter-spacing: 1.1pt; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">Swiatocho, Kris. (2005, September 14). //Missionary dating: on a mission to get him saved//. Retrieved from [] =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">// Missionary dating: a nonbeliever's perspective //. (2010, March 31). Retrieved from [] =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; letter-spacing: 1.1pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 5.55pt; text-indent: -11.1pt;">Mahoney, Kelli. (2009). //The challenges of missionary dating for christian teens: should you consider dating a non-christian?//. Retrieved from http://christianteens.about.com/od/dating/a/MissionaryDatin.htm. =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 1.1pt; line-height: 115%;">Raine, Susan. (2007). Flirty fishing in the children of god: the sexual body as a site of proselytization and salvation. //Marburg Journal of Religion//, //12//(1), Retrieved from [] =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; letter-spacing: 1.1pt; line-height: normal; margin: 5.55pt 5.55pt 5.55pt 16.65pt; text-indent: -11.1pt;">Zablocki, Robbins, BD,T. (Ed.). (2001). //Misunderstanding cults: searching for objectivity in a controversial field//. Toronto: University of Toronto Press. =====