Polyamory

William Atherton ** Polyamory ** Although there is some debate over the formal definition of the word, “Polyamory” is commonly defined as “engaging in loving, intimate relationships with more than one person – based upon the knowledge and consent of everyone involved [or sometimes described as] ‘ethical nonmonogamy’” (Bennett, 2009). While this definitional debate revolves around people who believe sex and/or emotional connectivity between three or more people is necessary for polyamory to be achieved and those that believe the term simply refers to “multiple relationships” and does not require sex and/or emotional connectivity, it is commonly accepted that the defining and essential aspects of polyamory are the consent and knowledge of everyone involved (Klesse, 2006). This means that the term polyamory is separate from any ideas of cheating, betrayal, or hiding partners from each other and is dependent on communication between those involved. As of 2005, polyamory was a topic that received very little attention and research, possibly because polyamorists “threaten the cultural image of what marriage is supposed to be” (Cook, 2005), but since then the issue has begun to be researched more in depth and publicized. Within the past five years, multiple articles and books have come out discussing the idea and role of polyamory including “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships & Other Adventures” by Tristan Taormino and, what many consider to be the modern polyamory bible, “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, along with numerous blogs, podcasts, and online magazines with thousands of subscribers (Bennet, 2009).
 * Overview**

Although awareness, acceptance, and public communication about polyamory have been on the rise and have caused polyamory to become more of a mainstream topic, it has not come without its criticisms and objections. Some of the biggest driving forces against the allowance and cultural acceptance of polyamory have come from members of certain organized religions. While some religions, like Islam and Wicca have histories of allowing polyamory in their practices, other religions, like Christianity and Judaism, have expressed their objections to the idea. Citing Bennett’s 2005 article on polyamory and her use of the term “ethical nonmonogamy”, Matt Slick, a writer for Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry, explains that “unfortunately, adding the word “ethical” to something doesn’t make it so. Why not have such things as ethical adultery, ethical bank robbing, or ethical embezzling? Does adding the word "ethical" to it make it okay? Of course not. Polyamory is nothing more than a euphemism to make something that is immoral appear to be moral” (Slick, 2010). Apart from religion, there have been other criticisms about polyamory. Advocates against polyamory have raised claims such as “If my partner really loved me, there would not be any desire for an intimate or sexual relationship with anyone else”, “If I were a good partner/spouse/lover, my partner would be so satisfied that they wouldn’t want to get involved with anybody else”, and “It is just not possible to love more than one person at a time” (McCullough, 2003). Those who support the idea of polyamory have worked to refute these claims by often explaining that if you have more than one child, it is ridiculous to think that you only can love one of them, there is not “one and only person on the planet” for each person, and that these claims only further “self-esteem problems, which is a fertile ground for jealousy” (McCullough, 2003).
 * Criticisms**

Like many groups in existence today, polyamory does not universally recognize a single symbol. Along with numerous, individually and independently constructed symbols, polyamory mainly relies on two common symbols; a parrot and a flag combining three colors with a pi sign. The parrot originated from the idea to abbreviate and commonly refer to polyamory as simply “poly”. Because a parrot is commonly referred to as a “polly” (ex: polly want a cracker), polyamory members began to use this symbol as their emblem when they would meet each other at restaurants and gatherings to mark the table (Echlin, 2003). The polyamory flag, originally designed by Jim Evans, is made up of three colors representing the “openness and honesty among all partners with which [they] conduct [their] multiple relationships” (Blue), “love and passion” (Red), and “solidarity with those who must hide those relationships from the outside world due to societal pressures” (Black) along with a gold mathematical symbol of pi to represent “the value that [they] place on the emotional attachment to others, be the relationship friendly or romantic in nature, as opposed to merely primarily physical relationships” (Polyflag.com, 2010). Placing the blue on top of the other colors in the flag truly emphasizes the amount of importance placed on open and honest communication between all partners involved in a polyamorous relationship.
 * Symbols and Forms of Polyamory**

While polyamory is not the most common practice highlighted in movies, television, music, and celebrity lifestyles, there are still numerous pop culture references to polyamory. In 1999, Matt Keeslar (Scream 3) and Kathleen Robertson (Beverly Hills, 90210) starred in a movie called “Splendor” about a woman who decides to revive her inexistent dating life with two men who all end up living together in a polyamorous relationship (Internet Movie Database, 2011). Spike Lee has also directed a movie dealing with polyamory called “She’s Gotta Have It” about a woman (Tracy Camilla Johns) who is part of a relationship with three men but must also deal with her desire to have personal freedom (Internet Movie Database, 2011).
 * Polyamory in Popular Culture**

In the pop culture world of music, the band Breaking Benjamin began its music career with their very first single “Polyamorous” appearing on their 2001 debut EP and their 2002 debut album, Saturate. There are also various pop culture celebrities that openly practice polyamory including Warren Buffett and Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen has become very prominent in recent news for his eccentric behavior and ideas and has given reporters and journalists access into many parts of his private life. During many of these interviews, Sheen has openly discussed his current relationship with Rachel Oberlin (aka Bree Olson) and Natalie Kenly, commonly referred to by Sheen as “the goddesses”. According to an interview done by ABC, Oberlin explained the situation by stating “Natty and Charlie have their own special connection, I have my own connection with Charlie and then Natty and I also have our own relationship” (Talarico, 2011). All three individuals work to be honest with one another and are completely accepting of the polyamorous relationship they are part of.

Bennett, J. (2009, July 29). Only You. And You. And You. //Newsweek//. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.newsweek.com/2009/07/28/only-you-and-you-and-you.html
 * References**

Cook, E. (2005, December 12). Commitment in Polyamory. //Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality//, Volume 8. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.ejhs.org/volume8/cook1.htm

Echlin, H. (2003, November 14). When two just won’t do. //The Guardian//. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/14/gender.uk

Hall, David S., McCullough, D. (2003, February 27). Polyamory – What it is and what it isn’t. //Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality//, Volume 6. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.ejhs.org/volume6/polyamory.htm

Internet Movie Database. (2011). She’s Gotta Have It. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091939/

Internet Movie Database. (2011). Splendor. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0127296/

Klesse, C. (2006). Polyamory and its ‘Others’: Contesting the Terms of Non-Monogamy. //Sexualities//. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from Ebscohost database: http://web.ebscohost.com.proxy2.library.illinois.edu/ehost/detail?sid=84c4c2b2-c973-4664-b4b5-987f85aac2e9%40sessionmgr4&vid=2&hid=18

Poly Flag. (2010). Poly Flag Credits. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.polyflag.com/

Slick, M. (2010). What is Polyamory? //Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry//. Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://carm.org/polyamory

Talarico, B. (2011, March 1). Rachel Oberlin: Porn Star Has Her “Own Relationship” With Charlie Sheen. //OK!// Retrieved April 10, 2011, from http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/03/rachel-oberlin-porn-star-has-her-own-relationship-with-charlie-sheen/