Marriage

Marriage is a type of social bond that transcends cultures and different countries throughout the world. Marriage can be defined in many ways, but to answer the question of what marriage entails it is often dependent upon where an individual falls on the scale with regards to skepticism or romanticism. Their perceptions about love and intimacy are vital to their understanding of what marriage truly is. According to Girgis (2011) “Marriage is the union of two people (whether of the same sex or of opposite sexes) who commit to romantically loving and caring for each other and to sharing the burdens and benefits of domestic life. It is essentially a union of hearts and minds, enhanced by whatever forms of sexual intimacy both partners find agreeable. “(P 246) In addition to understanding what marriage is, it is also necessary to consider how important communication is in relationships, and most importantly in marriage. The fact of the matter is that effective communication strategies are necessary in all relationships, but without these strategies in the union of two lovers the marriage is bound to fail. Often described as “The last legal form of slavery” marriage can be looked at in two distinct and separate ways; as a sacred and magical time in one’s life, or additionally a forced societal norm that is pushed onto individuals. The question at hand for skeptics of marriage is why should somebody get married if they are cynical about the union and the ways that they are forced into this societal routine. An answer to this question is family perceptions about sex. In recent years, the topics of sex and sexual communication have become at the forefront of American society. In the past, people shied away from discussing any topic that was too explicit or that warranted an awkward conversation about sexual activity and even human sexuality. Different generations have different views about sexuality but the fact of the matter is that nowadays sex is a topic that cannot be ignored and is predominant in media advertising, entertainment and in the lives of many. (Bond, 2011) The next question to consider is how does this new found openness with regards to sexual communication coincide with marriage? The cliché saying “Times have changed” is very evident in the different media portrayals of married couples and the norms that they follow. In older movies married couples were shown in a very different light than married couples are shown today. Couples were often shown to have two separate beds in the bedroom, and sex was never explicitly discussed. Sex was viewed as taboo and an act that was designed for one simple purpose, having children. In contrast, today’s movies show teenagers engaging in sex, friends engaging in sex, coworkers engaging in sex and additionally married couples engaging in sex. The married couples in today’s cinema do not have two beds, but one bed that they share to engage in their marital celebration of human sexuality. The media’s depiction of premarital sex and sex during marriage is important because it can be influential to different couples. According to Dempsey (2000) “Movies, as ubiquitous sources of entertainment, are important to assess because they provide models for behavior that may impact perceptions about sexuality in marriage.” (P 22) This brings about the next topic which is cohabitation before marriage, and what this means for sexual communication. Many religious ideals state that an individual is not to engage in premarital sex, and in past generations it would be unheard of to consider living with your partner before marriage vows are exchanged. According to research conducted by Manning (2011) cohabitation rates before marriage have been rising in recent years which can show that communication between families and those in relationships is more open. If a couple is willing to live together before they exchange their vows they are volunteering the information whether explicitly or subconsciously that they are engaging in some sort of affectionate or premarital sexual activity. This is not the case with every couple but it is safe to assume that the majority of individuals who cohabitate before marriage have engaged in at least one type of sexual act with one another. How does this make grandma feel? Grandma may have been used to seeing two beds in a room for a couple that is married, but in current times individuals are sharing one bed BEFORE they even exchange their vows. (//I love Lucy// image depicting two separate beds during marriage) **Is this the last person that I will ever have sex with…EVER?** Before getting married, many individuals experience what is known as “cold feet” before they tie their vows. This is not a condition where one’s feet feel icy or at a lower temperature, but rather a fear that is developed about commitment. With regards to sexual communication, one cause for “cold feet” before marriage could be the idea that your spouse to be will be the last person that you sleep with…ever. This fear of monogamy could be alleviated with effective communication strategies. “Cold feet” is not uncommon and if in an individual is truly ready for marriage than these unwanted thoughts and doubts will disappear quickly. According to Olivia (n.d) an experienced wedding connoisseur; Robbi Ernst stated that “** Cold ** ** feet ** are common among real-world couples, too, just not days before doing the deed. As owner of San Francisco-based June Wedding Inc., Robbi Ernst has planned more than 1,000 weddings in 24 years. Only three couples have canceled their nuptials, between four and six weeks in advance. In every instance, it was the groom whose ** feet ** got frigid.” (Par 4) A strategy for resolving “cold feet” in the quickest and more effective manner is for the individual to discuss their feelings and reservations with a close friend, family member or even their fiancée. It is normal for an individual to be scared, but after communicating their fears the “cold feet” should disappear. They should realize that they are lucky enough to experience sex with the person that they love for the rest of their lives, rather than concentrating on the individuals that they will not be engaging in sexual activities with. **Sex in marriage… We had sex all the time before, what has changed?** Many couples report a lower sex drive after marriage and a decreased desire to have sex with their significant other. There are numerous forms of media that play on this concept, such as movies or TV shows. The viewer can often see a character discussing that after marriage their sex life will likely be diminished or over completely. Why does this loss of sexual drive after marriage occur? One possibility is failed and poor communication strategies. According to Bui Thu (2010) in a study conducted in Vietnam findings showed that sexual communication decreased in marriages as time passed. “Thematic analysis showed that respondents were able to talk with each other relatively openly about sexuality. While the issues raised were various, sexual communication ** decreased ** in quantity and quality with the length of ** marriage **.” (Abstract) If a married couple had a satisfying and exciting sex life before their marriage, then there is logically no reason why their sex drive post- marriage should decrease because they took one another as their life partner. If individuals find that they are experiencing a significant portion of time without affection or sexual activity then it is important that they communicate with one another instead of ignoring the issue and assuming that this lack of sex is common and normal. A healthy sex life in marriage is just as attainable as a healthy sex life in a different kind of relationship. (Bui Thu 2010) The couple needs to communicate with one another about their different needs and to be open to discuss the different aspects of their relationships with regards to sex. In addition to communication about sexual needs it is important for a couple to consider when the right time to have a baby is. It is reported that after a couple has a baby their sex life is often decreased because their attentions shift from each other to their newborn baby and all of their needs. The couple needs to realize that they are married and that they need to express love for one another on a daily basis regardless of the stressors that having a baby can bring. (Parker, 2001) Also, it is reported that after having a baby a female can feel less sexy because of the changes to her body. This is another instance where communication is vital to the successful transition from pre-baby to post-baby. (Parker, 2001) A successful marriage will be strengthened by having a child, not hindered by it. If effective communication practices are implemented after having a child the marriage will remain strong, or become even stronger. Bui Thu, H. (2010). 'Let's talk about sex, baby': sexual communication in marriage in contemporary Vietnam. //Culture, Health & Sexuality//, 1219-29. doi:10.1080/13691050903072025
 * Marriage**
 * What exactly is marriage?**
 * Sex and cohabitation before marriage**
 * Baby talk. Is it time for the stork to make a delivery?**
 * //__The key to a successful, sexy and happy marriage is COMMUNICATION.__//**
 * References**

Bond, Bradley (2011). Cmn 368 Sexual communication Lecture. University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign.

Dempsey, J. M., & Reichert, T. (2000). PORTRAYAL OF MARRIED SEX IN THE MOVIES. //Sexuality & Culture//, 4(3), 21. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//.

GIRGIS, S., GEORGE, R. P., & ANDERSON, R. T. (2011). WHAT IS MARRIAGE?. //Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy//, 34(1), 245-287. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//.

Google Images (2011) I love Lucy image, separate beds during marriage.

Manning, W. D., Cohen, J. A., & Smock, P. J. (2011). The Role of Romantic Partners, Family, and Peer Networks in Dating Couples’ Views About Cohabitation. //Journal of Adolescent Research//, 26(1), 115-149. doi:10.1177/0743558410376833

Olivia, B. (n.d). Celebrity couples often lead the way with cold feet. //USA Today//. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//..

Parker, R. (2001). Making marriages last. //Family Matters//, (60), 80. Retrieved from EBSCO//host//.