He's+Just+Not+That+Into+You+(the+book)

**//He’s Just Not That Into You// History** //He’s Just Not That Into You// is a #1 New York Times best-seller, self-help book, written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. The book was published in 2004 and in 2009 the film based on the book also titled He’s Just Not Into You was released. The book was inspired by a //Sex and the City// episode titled “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little” in 2003. In the episode Carrie’s boyfriend, Berger, explains to Miranda that if a guy is not calling her back it just means that he is not interested in her. **//He’s Not That Into You// Purpose** “The point of the book (repeated about once per page) is that women too often make excuses for the behavior of men who, in fact, are “just not that into” them,” (Ward, 2006). The book gives common excuses women make for men and then explains and reiterates that he’s just not that into you and that’s why he is behaving the way he is. “ The guy doesn't call. ("He must have been really busy at work.") He bristles at talk of commitment. ("He had a hard breakup with his last girlfriend.") And so on,” (Ward, 2006). Regardless of the excuse, the book explains that men aren’t as complicated as women make them seem. In fact, it is quite simple to figure out if a guy is into you because mixed signals don’t exist. “In fact, say authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, men aren't complex; if they're not giving you what you want and need, it's probably because they "aren't that into you," (Ward, 2006). This book is supposed to help women realize these excuses and find men that are indeed into them. “With a bright, breezy style, the authors highlight a list of actions that men take to demonstrate that they are "just not into you," using "Dear Greg" letters and replies, unscientific polls of men, lists reviewing the key points in each chapter, a comic glossary, and laugh-out-loud workbook assignments,” (Drabkin, 2005). With each hilarious reply from Greg a woman can take away the empowering message and find a man that deserves her. ** //He’s Just Not That Into You// and sex ** “Here’s the truth: guys don’t mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a “fuck buddy” situation or a meaningful romance,” (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004). The book explains that men aren’t worried about making a platonic relationship romantic because it could ruin the friendship. If men were so worried about ruining friendships then they would not engage in friends with benefits relations. The phrase “friend with benefits” means engaging in sexual activity without romantic attachment or the desire for romantic achievement. This type of friendship is widespread, over 60% of college-aged individuals engage in such relationships. These types of relationships usually never lead to romance and most of the time the individuals stay friends but stop having sexual relations. The book also mentions that some women believe that men do not ask them out because they are intimidated by them. “Sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he’s into her,” (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004). It goes on and explains that he might need a little more encouragement than usual but a wink and smile will do it. Males perceive flirting as more sexual than females and are more likely to see friendly behaviors as flirting. Therefore, if a woman even remotely flirts with a man he has the encouragement he needs and if he still does not ask her out then he simply is not that into her. ** //He’s Just Not That Into You// and gender roles ** The book attempts to instill in women the fact that men should ask women out. Men have historically held more social power than women. Male dominance may be why in our society it is the norm for a man to ask out a woman and for a man to call a woman. “Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking,” (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004). These types of gender roles potentially cause miscommunication in heterosexual relationships. “ Women’s reliance on men to initiate all stages of romantic relationships because that is “tradition,” even if that means deferring or foregoing desired goals, is one example of how hidden power may operate,” (Sassler & Miller, 2011). Women expect men to initiate a date, a relationship, and a proposal. “Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be with you,” (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004). From the beginning the man has the power to start and end a relationship as long as the woman complies. The woman sees a proposal as a depiction of emotion and desires to be asked. “Notwithstanding young adults’ expressions of egalitarianism, male and female students generally expected first dates to proceed in gender-typical ways, with men responsible for initiating and paying. Male partners in dating relationships also reported more decision-making powerthan female partners,” (Sassler & Miller, 2011). Women have a specific schema of a first date and if the date does not follow that schema women could safely assume that the man was just not into them. Women typically expect men to initiate relationships, phone calls, and sexual advances. “If he were into you, he would be having a hard time keeping his paws off you,” (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004). If a man isn’t making sexual advances a women could assume that he is just not that into her. When men avoid such situations women become confused and create excuses for these men and their lack of initiation. Gender on television portrays women as leading characters if family or romance is central to the plot. In the film the main character, Gigi revolves her life around men and constantly obsesses over whether they like her or not. “ Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin), the main character and narrator, functions as the protagonist of the film. One of our first sightings of Gigi is on a mediocre date with Connor (Kevin Connolly). After the date, her character becomes painful to watch as she obsesses over him calling her, and ultimately tries to find him at a bar he frequents,” (Holmberg, Holm 2010). Gigi is portrayed as desperate and as a woman that has a strong desire for romance. ** //He’s Just Not That Into You// and gender differences ** The book devotes a chapter to if he’s not calling then he’s just not that into you. Men and women are much more similar than different. Since men and women have minimal differences, expectations in a relationship should be similar. “We may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. We like taking a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. It makes us happy. And we like to be happy. Just like you,” (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004). Therefore, if a woman is waiting by the phone all day for a phone call from a man, that man is just not that into her. This book is meant to empower women and make them come to their senses so that they could stop questioning men’s behavior, find a man that deserves them, and one that they know without a doubt is into them. **References**
 * He’s Just Not That Into You (the book) **

Image Retrieved from [] (2003) “Sex and the City” Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little. //The Internet Movie Database//. Retrieved from [] Behrendt, G., Tuccillo, L. (2004, September 7). He’s Just Not That Into You. //Simon Spotlight Entertainment//. Drabkin, J. (2005, April). He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys. //School Library Journal//, p. 163. Retrieved from [|http://web.ebscohost.com.proxy2.library.illinois.edu/ehost/detail?vid=3&hid=24&sid=20574edf-8195-46ba-8791-cf7c1a48c14b%40sessionmgr14&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=aph&AN=16813128] Holmberg, A., Holm, M. (2010, January 1). He’s Just Not That Into You. //Journal of Feminist Family Therapy//, p. 90-92. Retrieved from [] Sassler, S., Miller, A. (2010, December 20). Waiting to Be Asked: Gender, Power, and Relationship Progression Among Cohabiting Couples. //Journal of Family Issues//, p. 482-506. Retrieved from [] Ward, K. (2006, March 1). He’s Just Not That Into You. //Horse & Rider,// Retrieved from []